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Then he reminded me that you had special insight into the hierarchy here, and you might be useful. He told me he’d have you come over.”“Uh, huh.” I could feel a headache coming on. My ‘special insight’ was simply that I had a degree from here and my wife was a professor. “Any suggestions?”Ralph gave me a wry smile. “I’d like to smack him with a two-by-four, but that’s probably unapproved and might not affect him anyway. It might even ruin a perfectly good two-by four!”“I’m just trying to think of how many state and federal laws this guy thinks he can break!” Willis looked very hopeful when I said that. “Where is the good professor at this moment?” I asked.Ralph turned to his computer and looked up schedules, then glanced at a clock. “He should be about halfway through Contemporary English Comparatives, in Buckner Hall.”I turned to Willis. “Contemporary English Comparatives? Are you for real?” Willis flipped me off and I just turned back to Ralph. “I am liking your idea about the. Their pseudo-psychiatric trick worked,” Coach Alvarez pointed out as they crossed mid-field toward the other side of the football field. Then he smiled at his friend and picked up his speed to reach the small swath of trees just ahead of the players.The players were jogging on the track, but the coaches cut right over the grass field. When the boys reached the trees, the coaches gathered the team around them and had them take a knee for a final pep talk.After the players filled in around the coaches, Coach Barrett started a different speech than what he had in mind. “Everybody go ahead and take a knee. Y’all still okay? Hamburger ... what about you?” The large Mexican/Puerto Rican man-child nodded his head affirmatively as he was fighting to catch his breath, but he would be ready when it was time to play.When summer training had first begun, Carlos Gomez, -- or as Coach Alvarez had renamed him, ‘Hamburger’ -- was nearly 400 pounds of fat. The name stuck because, rather than fighting.
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